Anyway I left a message on her machine that we were breaking up, and the reason why is because she had let herself go. Seriously, on Monday when we met she was looking hott like Ellen Degeneres if she were like 10 times hotter, but on Thursday when I saw her last, she just looked like regular Ellen Degeneres.

She came up to me on the street a few days later and showed me that she had lost 3 pounds by wearing ankle weights and not eating for 5 days. Then she tried to tell me how she felt about me, I couldn't understand her so I took her fingers out of her mouth and told her to go over it again.

After her next rant I told her that we could still be friends, and maybe have some more earthshattering times, but no relationship could ever form. Then I borrowed 50 bucks to go buy a video game. It was sweet.