They wanted to get pictures with me, and to have dinner and a movie with me. And then they wanted to go back to thier place and participate in what you people may call sex, but I like to call it "Making Leon". After we did go back to thier place and I inspected thier ID to make sure they were above 16.... I mean 18, we took care of business. Mary Kate said I was the best she had since a drunken escapade with John Stamos and Bob Sagget.

When she said that I smacked the Heroine taste out of her mouth and proceded on to Ashley. I couldn't close the deal with her, she was too busy eating the mushrooms that grew under thier pet turtle's excriment. Yeah, it was what I like to call "Freaky and Disgusting". Not only did it give her a real strong buzz, she smelled like a Slim Jim marinated in cat urine.

It was pretty nasty, so I left just as thier next date was coming in. You may know him as the dude that played Screech on Saved by the Bell, but I know him as the guy that let me pee on his shoes and gave me 50 bucks because he could do nothing about it. Yeah, I am pretty awesome.