It started off real well. He went on and on about how he was the most electrifying man in sports and acting. He said �Leon, I am a man among men and king of every room I walk into�. After this I began to get a little annoyed I must say, so I told him to calm down and quit talking like he was Leon or something almost as good as Leon like Moses or The Virgin Mary, or maybe the Mexican guy from Chips. After I told him that he got wicked pissed and decided he was going to fight me again. The last time it turned out poorly for him and he said he has just recently recovered his ability to be intimate with a woman. Woman, whatever. He eats more meat than Oprah at a sausage festival.

Anyway, he backed away when he remembered the last fight and then decided to do his fighting with his mouth. He called me a �Stupid�.� And there I cut him off and called him a �Dildoface Butt Pirate�. After that we began to get along and he started asking me more personal questions. He asked if I was white where did I get the huge penis from, and I told him that my ethnicity is none of his business. Just like his ethnicity was none of my business even if he does look like the child from Vin Diesel and Derek Jeter�s combined sperm and Mariah Carey�s Eggs. After I said that I felt bad and kept offering him a Leon Massage, he denied for hours but it was inevitable. He said it was orgasmic, I think it was sweet. I mean if it hadn�t been a dude then it would have been sweet.