He�s not a bad shit really. I mean other than the fact that he resembles what the offspring of Little Richard and Courtney Love may look like. He also has some bad habits, some nasty and destructive appetites, and a penchant for smelling his own fingers. How disgusting is that, I could have let it go but he licks them after he smells them.

Ok, so I spent about 4 days with Mr. Kerry and I have to say it was an eye opening experience. We spent the first day double teaming his wife until she let out a chorus of Spanish obscenities that haven�t been heard since the night I told J-lo that I was leaving her for someone with a much smaller ass, Star Jones. She was crushed, and Mrs. Heinz-Kerry was crushed too, well, she was crushed, choked, pounded, squeezed, and even smacked a little. Then while John and I were on the hotel balcony taking pot she made us some Chalupas with the taco bell wrapping on them just the way I like them. It was great.

We then went to a rally and John had told me that it was going to last a while and that I should slip into something a bit more comfortable. Then he winked and smiled, when I ran out to see him again he was on stage and I had already changed clothes. Apparently we got our lines crossed or maybe I was just tired from the long night of passionate love making, I was a bit embarrassed by my choice of clothing, what was I supposed to think. I thought we were going to have a normal one on one session but I was wrong. Oh well, they still gave me quite an ovatio even though I was tired and my enthusiasm was down quite a bit. I was happy, but I think it could have been the quick flash of my nipple that they saw on the big screen. It was sweet.