Anyway, while we were at that Bastard�s funeral I was looking to get some like I always am because I am so promiscuous and have all kinds of unprotected sex with as many intoxicated females that I can get my dirty hands on�.. What was I saying? Anyway, while we were there all of these honkeys kept coming in and I was a bit confused. I didn�t know that the Bastard�s music had reached so many people. Especially honkeys from Everybody Loves Raymond, now I am white but that guy is like ultra super mega Kracka. I pulled him aside and made sure he knew that the moustache made him look a bit Dahmer like, and that he would probably be arrested for child molestation if it didn�t go post haste.

After the star spangled banner and the ceremonial passing on of the Food Stamp booklet the ceremony went well. Star Jones gave a 15 minute eulogy, and by eulogy I mean she stood up there with her enormous head and talked about all the fat she lost off of her ass. Well it doesn�t help if your melon still looks like a beach ball you dumb bitch. Anyway, after that Ray Charles gave us a lovely rendition of 5 minutes of silence that brought a tear to the eye of everyone. All in all I hope my funeral is like that, maybe without Puff Daddy though. He weirded me out with his new campaign shirt, �Fuck J-Lo or Die�. You need some help Puffy. You need some help.