So anyway, I met this chick while I was out the other day. I walked up and was like, "Hey baby. Am I wearing Windex pants because I know you can see yourself in them. You know, like having sex with me and all that good stuff." She then said, "I am sorry, I' m Meryl Streep." I then replied, "Well I am sorry you are Meryl Streep to, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't want me".

After that we kind of got a little more comfortable. I asked her how long she had been "Streeping it up", and she asked me how long I had been totally awesome and hott. We both answered "Since Birth". Then we started throwing back some shots of Courvosier and chasing it with each other�s tongues. After about 10 shots and about 2 and half-hours of tonsil wrestling we decided to go out on the town. She finally took off her coat and glasses and didn't mind if people saw her with "The Leon" since I am so totally awesome and all. We had a nice dinner of Taco Bell because it was so late. Unfortunately I couldn�t handle the combination of nasty food and Cognac so I vomited in the back seat of her car leaving us nowhere to shag and also causing her to smack me in anger. I retaliated by jumping on her like Missy Elliot on a can of any type of food product in the history of man. You know, she is big and fat and must eat all of the time.

I punched Meryl in the face about 14 times but then finally gave up because it was having no effect at all. I have heard that you are supposed to put raw steak on bruises, well since her face already looked, and tasted like a raw steak, she didn�t bruise at all and we got along fine after I apologized and we made out some more. We went back to her place to watch a movie, and I got to pick it out. I told her that I wanted to watch her best film role ever and she said ok. For some odd reason she got wicked pissed when I wanted to watch Fatal Attraction and she kicked me out. It was pretty sweet even if it did end on a sour note.